You are definitely drunk !

If three or more same looking persons are telling you that you are drunk, then you are definitely drunk!

How to get the desired ouput ?

If a straight line graph is required as a result of experiment's observation, obtain only two data points in experiment.

Want to make Improved Product !

"If you wish to make an improved product, you must already be engaged in making an inferior one." :-))

Cuckoo Clock !

"In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."

Science & Fuzzy Subjects !

"The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship."

Universe v/s Software Engineer

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Theory & Practice in IT !

Theory is when everything is known and nothing works. Practice is when everything works and nobody knows why. In IT industry, theory and practice are united: nothing works and nobody knows why.

Pity your boss !

"Pity your boss. The poor guy has to get up early to see who comes in late. "

Universe v/s Wet Bench !

"Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure."

Before Criticize Someone ....

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes." :-))

Problem Is Choice !

May be life doesn't have any meaning.
May be It is just a one of the probability condition in the universe that occurred.
But even then, it hold meaning for us , because we are the one which experience it , live it !
"Life is meaningful or not" this answer for this question can be written by our actions.
There are many paths .. each will lead to new destinations... new experiences...new ways...
But yet I need to choose the path...
The problem is not what meaning path holds...
the problem is "Is that meaning is meaningful enough for me ?"
As always the problem is choice ... which way to go ?

Reality or Illusion ?

We often feel that the reality around us is an illusion.
It seems that it has been wrapped around us to hide something real with some greater meaning.
What is reality ?
Reality is what our mind show us after interpreting the signals from sensory organs.
Then , why we get feeling of illusion ?
May be because along with five sensory organs , mind also interprets lots on its own.
May be from the sixth sense we have or may be from the past experiences.
There is always a feeling that there is something beyond the reality we experience.

I think reality is not an illusion. It's a very real as we experience.
Illusion is that we feel that our reality is the only reality that is present, only reality that is around us.
We never realize that there could be other realities in world , beyond our comprehension, which are also real.
We always get satisfied whenever experience the stuff which correlates with our reality.
But whenever we have to face other realities , we got the feeling of something hidden.
Illusion is not in reality.
Illusion is in nonacceptance of realities beyond our comprehension.

Don't Drink And D(e)rive !

Drinking and Calculus don't go together... Thats why they say.. "don't drink and derive " :-)

Client Requirements !

"It is unadvisable to work on a client's requirements or walk on water until both are frozen..."

Why Crash Courses Fail ?

Crash programs/courses fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.

Sum Of Intelligence On Planet Is Constant !

"The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing."

Grabage In.. Enobled Garbage Out!

"If you put garbage in a computer nothing comes out but garbage. But this garbage, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and none dare criticize it. "

Are U Sane ?

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons in this world are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Man With Pierced Ear !

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

World without war !

I can picture in my mind a world without war. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it !

Baby Blues.

We spend the first twelve months of our children lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Interview with Love !

Interview with Love!

I waited for a long time to meet him. He was finally coming.

I sat at the table rolling the pencil through my fingers and rapping an ancient melody on my paper pad. Then the door opened and he walked in.

He was nothing like I expected. Of medium height and slight build , but it was as though the joys of the world followed him through the door. His eyes reflected what seemed like an eternity of passion.

"You wanted to see me ? " He smiled and my heart stopped.

Yes , I thought this was he. "Don't we all ?" I asked simply unable to look away from his eyes.

He looked down at the chair and sat down. "Maybe , I guess some more than others ."

He leaned back in the chair , put his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling and sighed! "pure bliss".

I wanted to see if you really existed. " What a cynical fool I was , to think he never existed.

" I have never left your side , " he said , in a matter-of-fact manner.

"You have been away too long, " I said , hoping he would say he was sorry and that he would soon return.

" I have never left your side".

Ah yes ! Matter-of-fact yet again. Silly me. " You are elusive , cruel and oh ! So fleeting ."

Anger , pain. Why wouldn't he put me at ease. He continued to survey the room as if he had plans to live in it.

He turned to me slowly sighed and said , " And you my friend are oh! So human."

Retort silent yet lethal. " Is that my fault? " Sulking , hurt , I asked.

"Maybe it is. Does she think so ? " What ! How could he have known ? Yes ! , of course he would .

"She doesn't even know me , let alone think of me ." May be you could help , I silently pleaded.

" Aren't you sure she doesn't ?" he reached for the glass of water held it up to the light , examining it carefully.

"Yes , I think so . Maybe, " I wonder.

" Maybe you should ask her ."

He leaned forward and looked deep into my eyes. Avert your glaze , please.

"What if she rejected me ? I have loved her too long . I don't think I could take it ." I'd die , slow and horribly .

"The most important words are those left unspoken , my friend. Only if you ask her , will you know for sure."

Ah ! Wisdom , he looked at me , his eyes softening . Pity ? Maybe.

"This love feels so natural, " I said , so profound , this feeling.

"Pure love usually is ." He sat back and bits his nails. Strange , who would have thought ?

" Why doesn't true love last ? " I asked . I looked at him. Please !!

" Maybe you don't try hard enough. " Yes , Maybe I didn't .

Funny , I always thought I did.

Hmmmmm.... " I do try a lot . " Honest to God.

" Then maybe you try too hard ."

Oh no , why wouldn't he give me a straight answer ?

"I'm such a difficult man . " Truth , honesty , nakedness in front of this man.

"All men are difficult."

Profound words , from the most difficult of them all. He turned away staring out the window , reminiscing probably.

He then turned to me and asked , " you're a poet ? "

" I hope so. "

Some how it didn't sound convincing.

"Then she'll love you for your heart."

Finally optimism reigns supreme.

"You think so ? " Said eagerly like a child on Christmas eve asking for permission to open presents early.

" They always do." Matter of fact yet again.

" Will we fight? " Say No please.

"Yes." Ah !!

" Will we be together forever ? " Such a long time is eternity .

" That's up to you . " It always was.

"What do you think ? "

Honestly. " Are you human ? " Question with a question.

" Yes. " I don't know how to be anything else. "

Then you probably won't ." Matter of fact.

I wept , my face in my hands as I heard "LOVE" leave the room and close the door behind him.

The interview was over.

How to win an arugment ?

Here an article on how to win an argument ?

You can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. It's really easy. You don't think so!

Well , then simply read following rules and follow them and then you see what i mean.

Drink Liquor:

Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru , a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice , you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthrall the date. But if you drink several large martini , you'll discover you have strong views about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a wealth of information. You'll argue forcefully , offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

Make Things Up:

Suppose , in the Peruvian economy argument , you are trying to prove Peruvians are under paid , a position you based solely on the fact that you are under paid , and you're damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. Don't say : " I think Peruvians are under paid. " Say: "The average Peruvians salary in 1999 dollars adjusted for revised tax base is US$1,452.81 per annum , which is US$836.07 before the mean poverty level.

Now here an important note : Always make up the exact figures. Now , if an opponent asks you where you got your information , make that up , too. Say : "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for Budford Commission published May 9 , 2000. Didn't you read it ? " say this in the same tome of voice you would use to say " You left your soiled underwear in my bath house."

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrase:

Memorize this list:

• Let me put it in this way
• In terms of
• Vis-a-Vis
• Per se
• As it were
• Qua
• So to speak.

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "QED." , "eg." and "ie". These are all short for "I speak Latin , and you do not."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say : " Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often , but they don't have enough money." Now my dear friend , you never win arguments talking like that. But you will win if you say : " Let me put in this way.In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians , they would like to order them more often , so to speak , but they do not have enough money per se , as it were. QED." Now .......Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and ir-relevant comebacks:

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

• "You're begging the question."
• "You're being defensive."
• "Don't compare apples with oranges."
• "What are your parameters ? "

This last one is especially valuable , because Nobody , other than mathematicians , has the vaguest idea what 'parameters' means.

Now , let see how to use your comebacks :

• You : " As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873..."
• Your Opponent : "Lincoln died in 1865."
• You : You're begging the question." Or
• You : Liberians, like most Asians...."
• Your opponent: "Liberia is in Africa ."
• You : You're being defensive."

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler:

This is your heavy artillery , for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say : That's sound suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say, " or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

So that's it . You now know how to out argue anybody.

Just one caution : Do not try to pull this on people who carry weapons.

Most Beautiful Flower.

Most Beautiful Flower.

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read,
Beneath the long,straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me,all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down,
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - too little rain, too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose and declared with surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here - it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead,
Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see; he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun,
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
"You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see,
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, ....blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see,
The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose,
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose ,
And smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand.
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

Disclaimer: Taken from some newspaper long back !

Vegetable Sizzler.

Veg.Sizzler

Ingredients
Carrot 1
large Potato 1
Onion 1
Cauliflower few florets
French beans few
Tomato red one
2 Coriander leaves
fresh Capsicum green red 2
Pineapple 2 slices
Apple 2 pieces
Oil 2 tbsp.
Salt to taste
Black Salt 1 tbsp.
Tomato Ketchup 2-3 tbsp.
Red Chili Powder 1/2 tsp.

Method:
First wash all veg. nicely in chill water.
Cut carrot, potato, french beans, cauliflower, all in legnth wise, now boil them till, half done.
Cut onions capsicum keep aside.
Cut pineapple and apple keep aside.
In a wok or kadai, add oil add onions to it, saute for a while, then add all boiled vegetables.
Saute add capsicum tomatoes and last pineapple and apple saute for 1 minute then add salt, chilli powder, black salt and last to last the tomatoes ketchup and coriander.
Toss it and serve hot in an iron tawa which should be preheated lay one fine leaf of cabbage and pour the veg. on it and before serving just put few drops of either vinegar or butter to bring that steam effect and your sizzler with sizzling sound and aroma is ready to serve.

Disclaimer: Never tried this myself :)
Promise: Will definitely try sometime :)

Riding a dead horse !

Traditional wisdom says that when you discover you're on a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

But In today's world there are other strategies.

You can change riders.
You can get a committee to study the dead horse.
You can benchmark how other companies ride dead horses.
You can declare that it's cheaper to feed a dead horse.
You can harness several dead horses together.

But after you've tried all these things, you're still going to have to dismount.

Is your corporate works on same fundamentals ?
Are you spending to much effort on strategy than actual execution ?
If yes, time to move !

Mind Boggling World Of Researches!

World of researches is always comes up with some tit-bits which is either too implicit or absolutely ridiculous but now scientifically proven.

Some research says drinking milk is good, other says it's bad. Some research proves that we should be vegetarian while other proves point in favor of non-vegetarianism.

The best part of research is to prove anything as long as researcher can get its PhD.
Absolutely ridiculous is the world of research!

Let me tribute this one for them.
Taken long back from Sunday Observer article.

Thesis Problem Statement

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning inches above the ground. Now, If enough toast-laden felines were used, Could they form the basis of a high-speed mono-rail system ?

Thesis

I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while ! In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with biscuits ,ice creams or anything with butter or cream on... So to save money, you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats.

Also, should here be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet. Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula:

P = S * T(t)/Tc

where P is the probability of carpet impact,

S is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet.Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high S value, while the s value of water is zero.

Tc and T(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the color of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same color.

So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximized if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a P value of one , which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.

Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of senior politicians visiting accident victims in hospital, and opposition politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.

Conclusion

Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet.

End of Thesis

Ridiculous , Isn't it ! Most of the today's researches are !

But what can we do ? Poor researchers ! Think what they have to come up with to get their PhD done ! :)

Movement to New Blog.

Subsequently essentials posts from my following blogs will be moved to my new blog "Shoot Square" (http://shootsquare.blogspot.com)

1. Plain Speak - Shoot Square (http://shootsquare.blogspot.com)
2. Weltanschauung (http://lifeasitappear.blogspot.com)

I will not move everything from those blog and will keep only selected blogs.
Obviously in doing so, I will lose all the earlier comments on those blog.

I apologize to all my readers for this.
Please continue to write comments on my new blog.

A foreword.

Posting stuff on blogs is not new to me. In past, I have maintained many blogs although not regularly and religiously. But still why there is need of new blog?

I started with one single blog. Later, I moved to multiple blogs to make my blogs content specific. In doing so, I lost the basic motive of blog writing that blogs are meant to express range of thoughts which may not correlate each other. Blog express the thoughts of the writer. Thoughts can varies with time, mood, environment.

After spending a futile effort on maintaining multiple blogs, I decided to move to one blog, but it was not easy to merge multiple blogs in one currently running blog.
So, I gave up and came up with completely new blog which derive heavily on its predecessors. I tried to keep look & feel from my earlier blogs. But appearances might be misleading. It will be the content which will decide whether this blog will survive or not.

So be it. Here to all your readers, yet again I devote this blog to you.

With Best of the Wishes.